After graduating from high school in 2017, I wasn’t the typical ‘ready to take on the world’ type of guy. In reality, I was lost, mildly depressed, and didn’t have a clue what to do with my life. The constant loop of thoughts of overthinking and anxiety had burned me out day by day to leave me feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated and not thoroughly saturated by the sublime aspects of life.
Yet, after graduating I took the semester off before committing to college and was a cook at a restaurant called IndiKitch until I discovered who exactly I am as an individual.
During the summer, Andrew, a childhood friend and I went to kick it and catch up and talk about what we plan on doing in the near future. However, as we are talking Andrew begins telling me about his dreams and aspirations and how GREAT he’s going to be and how he is going to do xy & z with his life and become the GREATEST ever known. As I am listening to him slightly stunned to see him act like he is ready to take on the world; at the same time, I was inspired. He had so much belief and certainty backed up behind his words as if he had dreamt of his venture to become GREAT.
It boggled me for awhile even months after. Here I am feeling like horse shit and Andrew is telling me all the things he is going to achieve in his life. I suddenly, couldn’t take this dull and mediocre life! Iv’e lost a great amount of muscle and felt like I was nearly borderline anorexia. I got on my phone and remembered seeing the ads of the NYC marathon on the subway, and within a few minutes signed up for a half marathon on December 10th. Very aware people train months prior before running a half marathon, all I had was 27 days. A fool you may say? Yes, but courageous…maybe.
The day of the race taken in Central Park everything was completely snowed on with just the path for the runners cleared. My upper body bundled with about five layers and one layer of socks on already beginning to feel the numbness in my toes creeping up. As I go to plug my earbuds to my phone I had noticed my phone was on three percent. Here I was thinking nothing could ever get worse than listening to the little voice in my head for the next 13 miles.
Yet, as I looked around I see some individuals by themselves getting in the zone while others with family and friends chatting and smiling with all different reasons for being here, bringing a sense of oneness.
I begin knocking knocking mile by mile easily at a decent pace as my mind does the only thing it is good at and chats away. Eventually, it wasn’t until the 8th mile things began getting serious. I felt the numbness in my toes and my body breaking down as if I was running with ankle weights. Rather than have my inner dialogue think about my nice cozy blanket waiting for me at home I tell myself “You got this” and “Keep going.”
By the tenth mile my thoughts seemed to have gotten louder and became the only thing I listened to. No music, no distractions just me battling myself. The agony was getting to me so much to the point I start repeating to myself out loud “Lets go, lets go” even while suffering from dehydration. My mind became the engine that kept my body moving for the next dreadful three miles left of the race.
Oh boy! When I tell you how relieved I was making to the finish line I ran to the side and sat in the snow heavily breathing with aches all over my lower body. However, from that day I saw myself in a different light.
I saw a glimpse of what I was capable of even with all the limiting beliefs I had, I realized, there is so much more to your potential that you are aware of and there is truly no limit to what you can do!
No matter how stuck you are or mundane your life may feel, practice what you fear, it may be a turning point in your life.